Fantasy is never final

Lost, confused
Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Theres something wrong with me.

TOO lazy

Dun give a shit about anithing.

Cant be bothered about studying

Keeps thinking of quiting school and just rot the rest of the year

Dun give 2 hoots about what others think

ITs my life and i am wasting it away, why go to school when u hardly learn new things

ARgh

..................... dunno....................dunno..............forget it............................

seriously as though i am in a bottomless pit..........i dun c the light at the end of the tunnel and its not even april yet.

So how now brown cow???????????????????????????????????

i just want one day of complete bliss......................

Yux i sound so fucking whiny..............ugh i was never like this in the past........yux digusting

its late at school but i dun wanna sleep, who cares if i am late for school, at most get detention only,

12:16:00 AM

Attack of the DOTs
Monday, March 28, 2005

....................................................
.....................................................
....................................................
.....................................................

Ah its the end of the holidays the long weekend is over just like that. HAI. TOO DAMN FAST, once again nothing much has been done. Been rotting at home for the past few days, never even step out of the house. Hw still not finish. SEe i am SOOOOOOO efficient ( c0ugh cough) pun intended. PRocastinating as usual is my past time along with doing anithing excpept hw.

Oh crap, havent done hist holiday work. Thats a definite no no. My hair is getting long, havent gone to cut it, rather too lazy to do so. I wanna try keeping my hair as long as possible but the weather makes it too hot to do so. Either its blazing hot or freaking wet. Too extremes huh. If there was a temperate climate it would be better. Maybe it should snow in singapore but then that would mean everyone would have to dress in layers of clothing looking like penguins wobbling around . -__-"" hur hur. Wait that would mean girls wouldnt dress sexily and turn on guys animore, no more short minis, micros, hatlers, tubes, speck straps, racerbacks.......... guys wouldnt pay attention to gals animore unless they are their gfs or wifes. WAIT I SOUND LIKE A HORNY BASTARD. MUST PURGE this thinkings OUT OF my mind.

Ok i guess i should be going to sleep soon. Skool beckons once again tml, oh how fabulous. Seeing school just ' TURNS ME ON" note the inverted commas pls. Yux, say no homework, say no to boring lessons.

I want more sleep which is ironic u c. Cos i could have slept about 10 -15 mins earlier if i didnt bother to blog about this. Hur hur>> see the irony. Okaez of the sleep now. cya dudes, gals, guys,

12:27:00 AM

The search for happyness
Friday, March 25, 2005

The search for happyness is never ending. In societies as fast paced as singapore, the search is relentless. STudents crave happiness from homework,bitching teachers, backstabbing classmates, naggings from parents. NS men crave happiness away from their sergeants, officers, superiors. Uni students are too bogged done doin ther thesis and petering their professors. Working adults whine about unreasonable bosses, when they will get their bonuses, office gossip, office politics. mothers spend their time nurturing their children, cuddling them in warmess, so stoothing their children are shielded from the harsh realities outside. But then, happiness exists within our midst. The question is can u find it?

For me i certainly have diffculty finding it.

But i do not want to dwell in unhappiness. It is good friday today, jesus the sinless and holiest person on Earth dies for the wrongdoings of manking. He knew that mankind was destined to sin due to numerous temptations and so he had to do something to open up the gates of heaven.

On to personal matters, finally a long weekend is here. Could catch up on sleep. Slept before 12 yest and woke up around noon today, haha finally 12 hours of sleep after 10 days of not getting enough sleep. FInally i know all of my common test results>>>>> DOF. D for econs, O for hist ( sianz failed by one mark!!!!!!!!!!!), F for maths ( ....................... need more practice.........but frankly i am too lazy and sick of it). Failed gp by 1 mark also SIANZ.

Thursday after school went to eat with my friend at holland village area. Talked a lot and crapped about all sorts of thing. After crapping for about 2 and half hours, 'afternoon snack' was about 5, went to eat again at delifrance at about 830, talked somemore crap. Haha learned about a lot of things which i didnt noe of. Stayed until 10pm when the cafe finally closed. Hm the area had lots of ac pple around, haha not suprinsingly since acjc is near by. sometimes u think u noe ur friends well, but there is always something new u can learn about them if u listen to them . Yupx, i learnt something new .

Now its the afternoon of good friday, i am slacking around enjoying temporary peace from all the stress. AH this is the life i want, no cares, no worries!

2:07:00 PM

Random ramblings of a random mind
Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I cant paste the fucking lyrics

they never appear correctly

always jumbeld up in paragraphs

YUXXXXXXXXxxxxxxx

I cant believe that nowadays i get pissed so easily over minor things

Looks like my tolerance level has gone down

Sad

history is becoming a pain....sianz i am not kidding, i think other than maths, no other subject causes so much headache, the workload is the heaviest among all the subjects i am taking.

PTm coming up soon, so not looking foward to it. I can just imagine all the nagging that will happen. Expectations, expectations wouldnt life be great without it .

YUx

Soon the words yuxified will be added to my alredy jumbled vocab Yux

all rite flying off now.

10:28:00 PM

Bleahz ( EXPLICIT LYRICS warning)
Tuesday, March 22, 2005

SIANZ

SIANZ

SIANZ

ai life just a routine eh. THats true. For me at least, a routine where i slack my ass of instead of supposedly studying. FUCK. PRocastination again, yeah how many times i have i said about the dangers of procastination. No 1 source of time wastage proven time and time.

Sometimes dont u jus wish education was truly fun and enjoyable without the emphasis on results. In a result oriented education system, the drive for grades causes excessive stress. How many times do u c pple cringe in fear whenever the exams come. THe first hurdle is the PSLE At the TENDER AGE OF 12. UR life is being decided at 12, what a FUCKING JOKE!!!!!!!!! Okay then 4 or 5 years later its the N or O levels. Another obstacle to be overcome. From sec school onwards u start to feel the pressures of mugging unlike primary school which somehow seem more carefree. THen after O's its on to JCs/CI/POLY/ITE or into the workforce for some pple.
ANother 2 years till the A level, 3 years to a diploma, 1-2 years to a NITEC or HIgher NITEC.

then theres university education for those who do make it. FOr me, i have no idea what on earth to do , one thing is i noe for sure that i need to work much harder to even stand a chance of getting into a uni. With 17 jcs, 3 polys producing like 20000 graduates of which probably 15000 will via for entry into 3 universities, the statistics are not favourable. Whatever

Heres another angtsy song.

GUNS AND ROSES -ATTITUDE

Yeah!
Attitude'tsa fuckin' attitude
I can't believe what ya say to me
You got some attitude

Inside that bitter brain
There's gotta be a whore
If you don't shut your mouth
You're gonna feel the floor, yeah!

Attitude, what you got's a fuckin' attitude
Attitude is what you got's a fuckin' attitude
Some fuckin' attitude
Yeah, right

Inside that bitter brain
There's gotta be a whore
If you don't shut your mouth
You're gonna feel the mother fuckin' guitar!

Oh, attitude
'tsa fuckin' attitude
I can't believe what ya say to me
You got some attitude

Oh, attitude
'tsa fuckin' attitude
I can't believe what ya say to me
You got some attitude

Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah!

8:25:00 PM

Curse of milk products
Sunday, March 20, 2005

ITs bitter sweet i tell u . I like to drink milo and vitasoy but they cause me a lot of trouble. drinking one cold milo packet in the morning will guarantee me a freaking stomachache without fail. TRIED AND TESTED. IT semms that my daily dosage of one milo, one vitasoy, one qoo can and some cups of plain water are wrecking havoc on my stomach. The only things i can drink without causing me problems is water and the qoo. SO what is the problem?

MAYBE I AM SEMI- LActose intolerant????????? For the past year or so, my stomach has been pretty screwy at times. MAybe its my diet, which has drastically changed cos theres only one meal where i usually have some veggies and thats dinner. I dun like drinking plain water cos it doesnt taste nice. I like sweet drinks like coke, sprite, marinda organge but they are high in sugar and can easily result in weight loss.

Ironies isnt it, usually things that taste sweet can make u fat.

and as i type this it will be monday morning in 15mins. I have not finished all my work yet. I havent even taken a bathe yet. GOing to do so now.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not looking foward to going to skool tml cos i noe that chances are high that i will get back the common tests results. YUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!

11:31:00 PM

.........
Friday, March 18, 2005

Today is a day of mixed feelings. Went to school in the morning to have maths make up lesson. Got back my maths common test results. INcrediblely lousy........so lousy that i will not post it here. got to be one of the lowest in the class. Bleahz not even an O. I feel superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
pissed that i cant even get an O. Obviuosly this shows that i have not been putting in enough effort even though i felt i HAD PUT IN SOME EFFORT. Its disheartening to see pple say they neva study or study the day before and still can pass. WHatever lah, i guess some pple are more gifted in the sense that they can study less ans still can get marks. As for me ........NO Chance, i must study otherwise cant make it. @#D$%&^*()

Now the irony is that i thought i would do better for maths then maybe for history or econs. IF this is what i get for maths, i do not want to think what will happen for history or econs.

IF i ever get the magic FFF grade..... i dun not want to think about that, currently being optomistic that i will get at least one subject with a pass.

Whenever results come out, one thing usually appears among pple who do badly>>>> dispair or JEalousy/ hatred/ evil karma. Haha i had the latter for a while today.

Even though i try to comfort myself that it is only a stepping stone i cant help but feel dissapointed. Sianz. okiez enough of all this bad stuff

The good thing was that i managed to go play DOta today with jj and yao. still getting owned but no doubt, the game is interesting.

At nite i did one of the 3 outlines for the history WIthout the readings. SIanz i thought i had the reading but dun have, in the end have to combine info from other readings and some info from lecture notes. HOpe the teacher accepts it otherwise BWAHAHAHA evilness will break out.

12:38:00 AM

u snooze, u lose
Thursday, March 17, 2005

ITs the holidays but i sure dont feel like its the holidays. Yux just thinking about the pile of homework that has to be done is such a TURN OFF. Talk about giving students time to relax. OK sure i am guilty of procastination but who isnt!

Ai dun want to talk too much. Today had some cip at novena square. Met my classmates who signed up at around 8 sumthing. THe task was supposed to start at 9 but we ended up waiting until around 11 before the van and the tins came. Then we just gave out the tins and got the students to write down their names on a list. After that just hang around novena square, had lunch at kfc. YUmmy cheese fries.... they taste good. Saw jansen at a christian shop, he was waiting for his friends to come. Yupx. Hm the supervisor for the cip reminds me of someone from my first 3 months class with her cheerful and optimistic personality....................

After the cip, went to town to buy some manga before heading home. Stoned , fell asleep for about 2 hours. woke up at 5 then just played my ps2 for a while. Haha then it was slack, watching telly, surfing the net all the way. Sianz, haha wasted the day again.

OK time to snooze so that i dun fall asleep in school tomolo.

12:23:00 AM

Holidays
Monday, March 14, 2005

Well its monday morning as i type this. THe holidays are on the way and i havent touched my work yet. Ah feel so slack, the urge to just slack and waste the day is so tempting but this holiday only lasts for one week, so i cant afford to waste away too many days. Ugh extra lessons on thursday and friday. TURN OFF bleahz.

Sat was a day of fun and joy for me. Learnt how to play DOTA at last. Met dom, yao , brendan at the lan shop which i finally will remember where it is located. I must say dota is indeed interesting and fun to play cos there are so many heros to choose from and theres mani ways of winning. Haha yao and brendan were good , me and dom being the newbies took a while to figure out the mechanics. Anywayz it was time well spent. Played for about 3 and half hours unitl 6pm.

After that i walked from ps all the way to lido past the human traffic. Took me about 40 mins , town is overflowing with pple on weekends. I must say there is an abbundance of hot gals dressed in skimpy clothing flaunting their assets. Ultra short skirts, mid baring tops, speck straps, halters, low cut jeans , plunging necklines .........simply a sight to behold. BUt the thing is most of them are attached with their boyfriends lolz. haha . Also got a lot of yandao guys that make me jealous with looks to die for so much that gals drop down at their knees.

Okiez so i met my buddy joel at 7. Had dinner at long johns where i got cheated of my money cos the chicken pieces were so small......... Walked around town cos got time, saw a smoking hot FERRARI F430 Spyder, wow i wanted to kiss the car literally. Such cars are a rarity indeed. We walked to paragon to kill some time, went to a shop to search for vcds and dvds. Then went back to lido to watch hitch.

I would recommend that a pple regardless of whether u are single and sad like me, or happily attached with a caring/chio/yandao/ understanding boyfriend or girlfriend. The movie makes u c love in a different perspective, love is blind, the forces of love are so strong. Love is one thing that science cant explain, u have to experience it. The movie shows that how average pple can end up with the girl/guy of their dreams if they are determined to go for it.

In this world, there is excessive emphasis on wealth and looks. How often do u c the average joe being surrounded by babes, rather it is the young executive with his armani suit, flashy new 3G handphone, Nicely gelled hair, expensive car that gets the girl. Well but there is hope, for true love will conquer all obstacles. Hm i wonder why am i saying all this, well it could be cos i am looking for love? Haha dun wanna think too much about this. As they say, falling is love can be easy but maintaing a relationship surely aint that easy. To all couples, treasure each others company!!!!!!!! ( of cos this sounds so cliche)

KK enough crapping.

Now time for some lyrics GUNs AND ROSES

Welcome to the jungle
We got fun 'n' games
We got evrything you want
Honey we know the names
We are the people that can find
Whatever you may need
If you got the money honey
We got your disease

Chorus:In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your knees, kneesI
wanna watch you bleed

Welcome to the jungle
We take it day by day
If you want it you're gonna bleed
But it's the price you pay
And you're a very sexy girl
That's very hard to please
You can taste the bright lights
But you won't get them for freeI

n the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my serpentineI,
I wanna hear yous-cream

Welcome to the jungle
It gets worse here evryday
Ya learn ta live like an animal
In the jungle where we play
If you got a hunger for what you see
You'll take it eventually
You can have anything you want
But you better not take it from me

ChorusAnd when you're high you never
Ever want to come down, YEAH!

You know where you ar
eYou're in the jungle baby
You're gonna die
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your knees, knees
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Feel my, my serpentine
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your knees, knees
In the jungle
Welcome to the jungle
Watch it bring you to your
It's gonna bring you down
Ha!

12:18:00 AM

Crappings part 2
Friday, March 11, 2005

Well the holidays have finally started and i am crapping around at home. As usual the shitload of hw has piled in. NOt that i am planning to finish all of them. I noe that holiday hw is inevitable,but this year is has gotten RIDICulous. Maths got dunno how mani qns, hist got some reaserch assignmen, gp also. FOr the first time in 1 year there is econs hw as well. What the hell the preparations for the A levels have started or so it seems. I only hope that i dun burn out or snap halfway.

So stoned now. the past few days have been lacking sleep. ITs taking its toll on me, fighting to stay awake in school especially lectures. Stress has over taken many pple, so balatanly obvious, i can predict as the myes and prelims come closer expect to c more pple flaring up at each other over the most trivial things. The ultimate aim is to get a piece of paper called the GCE A Level cert with the magically grades that u desire.
10 years from now, assuming i still i have this blog, i wonder what will i think about this piece of cert ............. i hope to be married to that special someone by the grand old age of 27. LOLZ. Haha as u can c i am crapping around so much that i dunno what i am talking about.

Nowadays the radio partcicularly perfect 10 seems to play more of pop and rb music. It would be nice to hear more punk rock and alternative music.

BLink 182 -always

I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying
And your hands they shake with goodbyes
And I'll take you back if you'd have me
So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you
Always
Kiss you, taste you all night
Always

And I'll miss your laugh your smile
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights, I hate them
Lets start this again for real

So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready
So here I am I'm trying
So here I am are you ready

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you
Always
Kiss you taste you all night
Always(
Come on let me hold you) Touch you, feel you
Always
Kiss you, taste you all night
Always

I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying

Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you
Always
Kiss you, taste you all night
Always
(Come on let me hold you) Touch you, feel you
Always
Kiss you, taste you all night

Always
Always..
Always..

10:53:00 PM

Nothing much
Thursday, March 10, 2005

for some reason i cant paste music lyrics properly in this column, have to manually edit it to make it appear in the correct sequence. Sianz super stoned today. This week is just one week after the common test and the work is piling up like mad. Ah holidays coming but it aint really a holiday, just a breather from stress infested school. What i what to do is to let my hair down.

Miss koh said this, once u choose to come to jc, theres no turning back. U either make it or drop out. Nothing lower than a bbc, or whatever combi i cant rem. Who said u have to follow the system of 6-4-2 followed by uni. Its ur life and ure free to do whatever u want with it. The problem is soceital pressures demands u make it to university in the fastest possible time. Taking alternatives routes which take a longer period is seen as a waste of time. WHATEVER! cant pple realise that going to university is not the be it and the end product.

U dont need a damn degree just to suceed in life, what counts is u noe what u want to do in life and pursue. Happiness in pursuing ones job is essential, if u are happy with ur job, u are likely to be a happy person. Not point working in a job u detest just for the fat salary packet.

Ar enough with the angsty crap. Hm this week went to town with zz on monday, wanted to go play pool but had no shirt, went to singpore shopping centre to try our luck cos i heard last time they allow pple to play in uniform, but we got chased out so much for cj uni looking like philips factory workers . So we just went to ps to walk around and c stuff. Tuesday>>>> erm cant remember much except that i was slacking the day away and procastinating in doing homework. WEdnesday was just another routine, went for training as usual only this time the area was filled with acs, ri,mgs and tkgs pple cos they were cheering the tennis players who were playing in the finals of the interschool national tennis championships.

Today watched a portion of farenheit 911 during gp, quite a nice show, i wanna watch the full thing. PE played floorball matches, haha i suck in floorball cos i am not nimble, hard to turn fast haha. After school saw jansen who came to class . Long time since i saw him in july 04, went to eat with him,yt, brendan, yao, samuel. Nice to know that jansen still has the same character as before, a nice balance of different traits.

I am supposed to be doing some gp work now, but i am infected with "intellectual laziness" i shall use this phrase from now on.

10:12:00 PM

Detoxing from cts
Sunday, March 06, 2005

Okiez its now sunday as i type this, cts finally ended on thursday with the horrific maths paper which if i am lucky can scrape through with an e, if i get a O thats fine with me, this common test has made me realise how much work i must catch up with. THough i am AMazed that a ct can degenerate into something that pple fear more than exams. It literally got upgraded into an exam. Whatever, dun want to think of the results now

The past few days were utter bliss and an utopia of fun......... seriously this is one of the few times where i feel relaxed and not stressed. Thursday went to watch Howls moving castle with dom and jj, before that went to ps to eat A super tasting chicken malay meal ( forgot the name , ayam pandam or sumthing). UTterly delicious and mouthwatering. Brendan, yao and zhezhang were there too, shared the same table.

THe movie was not bad, i like the fire calicifer , so cute though it is supposed to be a demon. Haha i am sucker for cute stuff......yes stop laughing if u are reading.

Friday went to watch the" assault on precinct 13" with dom and jj at junction 8. Before that had lunch at yoshinoya, the place was swamped with rjc and ri pple. No suprise cos they are located so near. THe movie is super vulgar, i think every 2 or so minutes will keep hearing pple say fuck, by the end of the movie i think there were more than 100 fucks being said. No wonder it was rated nc 16, a bit violent too. But overall an interesting film, police being forced to co-operate with criminals against corrupt cops. Wont spoil it, go and catch it if u can.
After we went to town, to meet zhezhang to play Lan. Took some lame pics while waiting for him to come. Played cs which i havent played for a couple of months liao, Fun but die very easily.
After that zz and me wanted to play pool but the place at SIngapore Shopping centre too full, so i went home.

Sat didnt do much, just lazed around at home, playing ps2 with my favourite GRAND THEFT AUTO SAN ANDREAS. Being a ganster And wrecking havoc, breaking the law is ultra Fun. AT nite went to town to meet my buddy joel, wanted to watch Hitch at first but lido too crowded so changed plans. Had the usual dinner at bk, before going to play pool. Met kenneth my orientation faciliator with his buddies, he did well for his A levels...argh i want his results man. I realise my pool isnt as good as it used to be, maybe its my hand and the brigde i use.

KK thats all folks. Gonna sleep soon.

1:00:00 AM

CT part 2
Wednesday, March 02, 2005

SIANZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ugh tml is maths and i am here on the comp instead of mugging.

Actually i am sick of mugging , the past few days ...been feeling tired easily and sometimes head will ache sianz i dunno is it becos i spend so much time online or mugging haha. Preferably the latter.

By the way , sometimes u feel so fucked up and just wanna forget about everything but i noe and u noe that life has to go on so u grit ur teeth and move on. Thats how i have been living for like the past year, u just ignore whatever shit is thrown is ur face. WHAt DOESNT KILL U MAKES U STRONGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL the best for those still having common test. I pray that when my results come back i wont be too dissapointed. Definetly dont want to flunk like mad.

10:08:00 PM

CT
Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Hm i'm supposed to be studying for my econs and maths but i am slacking around now. Yesterday had gp and hist test. MY goodness talk about difficult ! GP qns were about AIDS and stuff, the AQ section i didnt noe what arguements and ideas to use. IF i am lucky i will get 3 out of 8 marks for AQ. COmpo also wrote only 2 sides .... the topic i chose was about there is no such thing as a just war. WHich i think is true. LAter got hist

OMG!!!!!!! SOurce based was already a hint of what was to come. Had a lot of trouble distinguishing the support and challenge sources. THe essays i wrote are half baked, haha my aim for history is not to get lower than 40 which is An O......... i only wrote two and one fifth essays when u are supposed to do 3.

Oh yeah i finally decided to transfer some pics from my phone to the comp using the software provided. Today also rained quite heavily for a while, relief from heat.

O level results came out today for the class of 2004, Nostalgia in my mind, i can still remember the moment of anguish when i tore open the result slip exactly one year ago on 27 Feb 2004, and the magic no staring at me 14 points>>> fast foward one year, haha Time sure flies doesnt it

This song is so catchy

SImple Plan

SHUT UP!

There you go
You're always so right
It's all a big showI
t's all about you

You think you know
What everyone needs
You always take time
to criticize me

It seems like everyday
I make mistakes
I just can't get it right
It's like I'm the one you love to hate
But not today.

So shut up
Shut up Shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out Get out
Get outGet out of my way
Step up Step up Step upY
ou'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

There you go
You never ask why
It's all a big lie
Whatever you do

You think you're special
But I know and I know and I know
And we know that you're not

You're always there to point
Out my mistakesA
nd shove them in my face
It's like I'm the one you love to hate
But not today.

So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out Get out
Get outGet out of my way
Step up Step up Step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

Is gonna bring me down.
Will never bring me down.

Don't tell me who I should be
and don't try to tell me what's right for me
Don't tell me what I should do
I don't wanna waste my time
I'll watch you fade away

So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out Get out
Get outGet out of my way
Step up Step up Step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say today
Is gonna bring me down

So shut up Shut up Shut up
Don't wanna hear it
Get out Get out
Get outGet out of my way
Step up Step up Step up
You'll never stop me
Nothing you say
Is gonna bring me down

Bring me down
Won't bring me down
Won't bring me down
Bring me down
Won't bring me down

Shut up Shut up Shut up

12:07:00 PM

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